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It just hit me tonight.

Like a ton of bricks falling on me all at once. A realization that should have come to mind years ago, but my mind had been too consumed in and devoted to itself to see it. I feel both stupid and like I should be clicking my heels. But instead, I just sat there in my car, in an amazing little trance, staring through my windshield at the outside world.

Now, I have spent the last five years, going on six, working with Dana Scully. God, what a name....

Dana Scully.....

It gives me chills down my spine.

Her name can be a gift of trust, covered with a thin layer fear, all wrapped up in a great big blanket of love and platonic intimacy. The kind of relationship I never thought I'd ever get. Ever. Not once in my life did I think I deserved anyone as wonderful as Scully in my life. Let's face the truth here: I'm not exactly a loveable person. I'm a bit 'out there' with the way I think. I'm stubborn. I'm possessive. I'm fairly negative. I can be a jackass. I'm a loner, I always have been. That's just life, that's just the way I am. That's the way I assumed I always would be. Its not that way anymore. And that's what I just realized.

I can't be alone anymore.

I just can't.

And at the same time, I know I don't have to be. Sometimes I choose to be alone, but that feeling lasts only for a short time. I know that Scully will always be there when I need her. For anything. Whether if it's because I'm bored or because I just need someone to help me through the frustrating times in my life. Scully's always been there for me. I suddenly found myself laughing. At myself. How blind could I be? I need her! It didn't even register when Scully was out of town on vacation! I thought I was just calling because I was bored. I just needed her the whole time. Damn, it made me feel downright mental. What else am I missing about our relationship? I started to wonder more and more about what other elements were so obvious that I just couldn't see them.

And something else clicked.

I never told her how much I appreciate her.

Jesus, does she know? What if she doesn't? Quickly, I started the turned the car around and headed to her apartment. I needed to tell her. She had to know, and she had to hear it from me. How could I ever repay her for all she's done for me? She's been there when I was sick, when I was dying, when I was waving a gun in her face, even in my lowest moments. Even when I broke down into tears. Its like she knew when I had a lump in my throat, like she had a biological radar knowing when I was upset. I parked my car and got out, rushing up the stairs and going inside, racing up the staircase to her room.

I knocked a few times and I heard her footsteps inside. The lockunlatched on the other side of the door and opened suddenly. She looked at me, surprised.

" Mulder?" she asked, tilting her head to the side slightly. I smiled and stepped forward, pulling her into my arms. I could tell she was surprised, and she wrapped her arms around me after a moment.

"Mulder...... are you all right?" she says, her voice very soft.

" Couldn't be better," I replied, squeezing her a little bit. She chuckled softly.

" Mind explaining what's going on to me, then? Thirty seconds ago I was reading the newspaper and now look where I am."

I pulled back, smoothing her hair.

" I just..... had some clarity in my life."

" Clarity?"

" Yeah...... Look, Scully.... I'm not really good at this. But...I appreciate your sticking around with me. I know I'm a pain in the ass. You've put up with a lot coming from me, and I really want to say thank you. So, thanks, Scully. For everything that you've done."

"Mulder," she said with a sigh. " Just because you're a pain in the ass doesn't mean I don't know that. And I know that you would never survive if I wasn't around. You'd be bored. And lonely," she said, taking my hand. I smiled, lowering my gaze.

" You know me too well, Scully."

" And you know me just as well. I feel the same way, Mulder. I always have," she said, squeezing my fingers. "Besides, I've got this annoying problem."

" Which is what?" I asked, looking up at her again. She grinned and went on tip-toe, kissing my cheek.

" The problem is that I've developed this... irritatingly strong emotional attachment to work and a certain person that I practically live with, even if he's only supposed to be a co-worker," she said softly.

I grinned and led her into her apartment, shutting the door.

And now, here I am. Curled up on the couch with my partner, her head resting on my chest. I've never been so glad for what happened tonight. I'm glad I got some clarity.