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Title: Friendly Fire
Author: Jessica Golden
E-mail: XBatGirl@aol.com
Keywords: M/S romance
Rating: PG
Summary: A confession
Authors notes: PLEASE SEND FEEDBACK
Original Posting Date: February 23, 1998
Disclaimer: I have used the characters without permission from Cris Carter
or anyone involved with The X-Files or 1013 productions. I gain no money
from this story. It was created purely for my own selfish needs. Hey,
it's not my fault that Cris Carter isn't dealing with the things that I
want to see. No copyright infringement intended. Please do not pass
this story on without my name, e-mail and this notice attached. The
song peices are from THE LAST SESSION, no permission from that end either.
Her stumbling through the bedroom woke him from a light sleep. She
gagged, trying to get to the bathroom before she threw up. She sank to
the cool floor beside the toilet and emptied the contents of her stomach.
The chemo was starting to take it's toll on her body, slowly weakening it.
The truth of the matter was that the chemo probably wouldn't cure her.
She had doctors, they didn't know how to cure her, but they had treatments
that gave her side effects that seemed to be killing her.
Fox Mulder stood in the doorway of the bathroom, sadly watching his
partner, his friend and his lover throwing up. He soaked a washcloth with
warm water and sat down next to her. He pulled her small, frail body
close to him and held her. She cried and he gingerly wiped the tears away
from her face. Planting small kissed across her brow, he tried to make
the pain go away. Loving her was easy for him, comforting her when he had
no idea what it was like was the hard part. He pushed the tendrils that
had fallen into her face behind her ears.
"Mulder?," Scully said in a low voice.
"Yeah baby?"
"Remember a couple of years ago when you signed my living will?"
"Yeah," he held her closer, remembering when his signature came back to
haunt him after Duane Barry.
"I told you that I didn't want to suffer. I just wanted to go quickly. I
just want to go quickly. I want to surrender to this God damn thing," she
laughed, realizing how ironic her comment seemed, "In the beginning I told
myself I wouldn't die because of this thing. Now, it's too hard not too.
It feels like my medicine is killing me. Is this all the life I get? A
life of pain and suffering? I just want to rest, without nightmares,
without waking up because I have to throw up from that damn radiation. You
know?"
"Listen to me Scully, no one knows the bottom better than you, I don't.
You can't give up. I haven't. I won't, I promised myself when Samantha
was taken that I would never give up on her, just like I promised myself
in Allentown that I wouldn't give up on you. I won't let you give up. My
Scully is strong, a fighter, not some weak person who gives up. Especially
not on life. I promise you Scully, it'll all be over soon. You'll get
better. I know it. You're winning all the battles."
A small sad voice came out of Scully, "But I'm losing the war."
They sat in silence, both thinking about her statement. It was true, but
Mulder refused to believe it. He wouldn't give up, not as long as he knew
she was still alive.
"Scully?" She was sleeping, he smiled and picked her up, taking her back
to bed. Holding her close to him he told her softly, "I promise I won't
give up. I'll get those bastards that took you and kill them with my bare
hands. Hear me Scully? I won't give up on you. Never."
When he woke up she was already up and in the shower. A note lay where
she used to.
Mulder-
You've been a rock for me to stand on. When I'm crying you find a way to
make me laugh again. You're always there for me, beside me every moment
of the fight. You hold my hand when they take blood and watch the
M.R.I.'s. They must hate you at the hospital, always hovering about me
like a mother hen. Secretly I love it, it makes me feel safe in a time
when I know that I could die at any given moment. Even though you make it
so much better when I go to sleep at night, the fight that I am fighting
is my own and it feels as though I'm going it alone. How selfish is that?
I think that it's my war when to you it's just another battle in the
MulderWar. You do so much for me, I think that I take it for granted that
you're here. Not only has my partner, but the love of my life. Never
thought that I'd be able to say that after they diagnosed this damn
cancer. But is it such a lonely battle? No, I've got you. I'll always
have you. Have I been so wrapped up in myself? What about what you've
been through as well? Do you wake at night and worry never falling back
to sleep? Are you going through some private kind of hell? Do you feel
as though you're out there on your own? Does it feel as though you're
going it alone? It feels like I'm going it alone. I know that you're
here, but that's the way it feels. No body quite understands what I'm
going through. About a week after I learned of the cancer I went to a
support group. Everyone had some kind of terminal illness. Comforting,
isn't it? Knowing that you're going to die. The doctors classify it as
terminal, but still they give you treatments and medication that could
choke a horse. Everyone talked about what they were going through.
Parents hating them, children fearing them. I got I up and you know what
I talked about? My Mulder. I told them how lucky I was, because I had
you. I talked about you never giving up on the chance that there could be
a cure for something deemed terminal. I never went back to the group. I
couldn't listen to them, because than I felt like I had something that
they all needed. The scary thing was that I didn't want to share you.
I'd have to read your mind to know what i t's like for you. You put on a
strong face for me, take off the mask once in a while Mulder. You have no
idea how great it feels. I need you to know that I love you and that I
won't surrender to this if you promise not to give up on me.
-Scully
He wiped the tears that had formed from his eyes. He pulled his jeans on
and walked into the kitchen. Scully was reading the morning newspaper.
He stood behind her, stroking her hair. She pulled his hand down to her
mouth and kissed his palm.
After a long silence he spoke, "Usually, just before I turn to go to sleep
I brush a little hair back from your eye. Suddenly the loneliness I've
felt just melts away and I smile because I know the reason why. You, God
Scully, do you have any idea what you mean to me? 'Cause I don't think
that you do. Can we really say we're out there on our own when together
we've been going it alone? We both feel like we're on this earth with no
one. When in reality we've got each other to turn to. And that mask? I
try to take it off, but when you talk about surrendering I can't. I'm not
giving up, because I love you too much."
She stood up and hugged him. Resting against his chest she spoke, "That's
why I love you Mulder."
He rested his head on hers, "Because I love you?"
"No silly, because when you put your mind to something you don't give up.
That's what I thought was so sexy about you, you never gave up on
Samantha. Most people wouldn't look for something that had been missing
for so long. But not my Mulder, he looks in every corner. Don't ever
loose that, it makes you such a wonderful person."
"I'll never give up on you Scully."
IT ALL STOPS RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW.
Quote of the Day:
"We all have a dark side; it's bullshit to say that we don't."
--Sarah McLachlan
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Jessica ( XBatGirl@aol.com )
http://members.aol.com/XBatGirl/index.hmtl
http://members.aol.com/XFSlider/WQShippers.html
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