Tanja
Title: I won't give up on you (1/1)
Author: Tanja
E-mail: voet@tanja-myrna.demon.nl
http://www.angelfire.com/oh/xfshippers/index.html
Ratings: PG
Categories: S, R
Keywords: Mulder/Scully Romance, Mulder/Scully thoughts
Summary: Some thoughts in a hospital room.

Disclaimer: Mulder, Scully and all the other persons don't belong to me, 
they are from Fox Network, Chris Carter and 1013 Productions.

I won't give up on you (1/1)

-Mulder-
'm scared. So scared of losing you, of losing the best thing that ever 
happened to me. You're lying in that hospital bed and trying so hard to 
be brave, maybe not so much for yourself, but for your mother, for your 
family. For me. But I don't want you to do that, because I know what 
you're trying to do. You always do that with the people you care about. 
Not wanting to bother them with your problems, and in the meantime, 
you're hurting. Please don't do that. Scream, yell, whatever, but don't 
try to hide your pain for me.

You will not get better. It'll only get worse, and in the end you will 
die. At least, that's what the doctors are saying. But I don't believe 
that, I swear I'll do anything to prevent that from happening. As long 
as I live, you will live, because I won't give up on you like everybody 
else seems to have done already. But I won't, not before I have told you 
how much I love you, not before we have lived a long and happy life 
together, with our children and maybe our grandchildren. 

You don't even know yet that you can have children. You were told that 
you would never be able to have them, but you don't know that your ova 
are in that freezing cell in the hospital, because I still have to tell 
you. So not before I've told you that either. 

Look what you've been through in these last 4 years. I still remember 
the day you walked into my office for the first time, so young, so 
beautiful, and sent to spy on me. I had to remind myself of that a 
thousand times. But after a while, things changed. I learned to trust 
you, the only person I'll ever trust completely, because you became my 
friend. And you trust me. I know you do, otherwise you wouldn't still be 
with me.

You know, I still don't understand why you *did* stay with me, after all 
you've been through. You've been abducted, lost your sister, and now 
you're sick, all because of my quest. But I promise you, just like 
you've never given up on me, I'll never give up on you.

It's late at night, and I'm just sitting here in your room, thinking of 
you, of me, of us. I realize I'm crying, but I don't care. Suddenly I 
feel a small hand touching my cheek. You're awake.


-Scully-
 wake up because I hear something. At first, I don't know what's going 
on, but then I realize that somebody's crying. I open my eyes slowly, 
and despite the darkness in the room, I can see Mulder, sitting close to 
my bed, his head in his hands. He's crying.

I move my hand to touch his cheek. At first I get no reaction, but then 
his hand touches mine. And finally he looks up. His face... He looks so 
lost, so desperate. Oh Mulder, why are you doing this to yourself? I 
know what you're doing. You're blaming yourself for all of this, but you 
can't do that.

I am the one who chose to stay with you. I could have left if I wanted, 
but I didn't, because I didn't want to. I couldn't - how can you leave 
the person you love? Maybe some things wouldn't have happened if I 
hadn't stayed, but then I wouldn't have had you around me. 

I would have missed your hand on my back when we enter somewhere, your 
crazy theories, the way you're always trying to convince me that you're 
right even when you're not. I would have missed the looks, and our 
conversations, the way you look at me with those beautiful eyes when I'm 
explaining something, your jokes, you teasing me, and probably a hundred 
other things. That's why I stayed. Not because I felt sorry for you, not 
because somebody forced me to stay, but because I chose. I chose love 
over a life without you, a life that would have been so empty otherwise, 
and I found everything I ever wanted. I found it in you.

You touch my cheek tenderly with your hand. I close my eyes and I make a 
promise. I'll fight this thing with everything I have. Just promise to 
fight the fight with me. Don't leave me. I need you to believe in me. 
Please, don't leave me. I whisper those last words, thinking you didn't 
hear them, but you did. I realize that when you softly whisper, "Never. 
I promise I'll never leave you."

And that's when I know I will never lose, no matter what happens to you 
and me. I've won. Because I have you.

The End

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