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Damn.

That was all she could think.

This sucks.

She sighed angrily. All she wanted to do is relax. She wanted to sleep, but she couldn't, no matter what she did. She was so tired. Not physically, but emotionally. Her soul was restless and lonely. But it never could rest; not matter how weak she became. She knew how to rid herself of this sickness: talk to Mulder. But asking him for comfort without physical trauma first would crush her ego. She wanted Mulder to think that she was strong and independent. Of course, in certain aspects, that was utter bullshit. No matter how independent she wanted to be, she relied on Mulder every step of the way. Mulder had saved her a million times. Hell, he even flew to the most southern-part of the earth and went halfway across Antarctica to save her ass again. But that made her realize just how much she needed him. And loved him. And she knew that the only reason Mulder came to find her was because he loved her just as much. Some people were able to just sit and do nothing. Mulder had to go do a heroic rescue, even if that's not the way he thought of it. And it was eating her up inside, gnawing at her constantly, that she never got the chance to thank him as much as she wanted to. Once they got to the hospital, she had only gotten time to hold him and kiss his cheek gently before Skinner knocked on the door to the hospital room. That made the situation for her worse. Skinner had seen them. He had opened the door before she got a chance to release him from her arms. He had seen the fresh tear stains on her face. She now wondered if he thought of her as vulnerable. Poor little Scully, unable to fend for herself again. Again is taken away by strangers. And again, Mulder had to save her. She shuddered. She knew the mask she wore was falling off, she knew she had to let it crumble off her and shatter on the floor. It would release her from the invisible shackles which held her back so many times. When she wanted to cry out or scream in complete anger or sob in sadness the binding on her only grew tighter and made her want to call out more. Scully whimpered, feeling helpless and angry with herself, and tossed herself into another hopelessly uncomfortable position on her hotel bed.

Work had been the same as it has always been. She and Mulder were closer than ever, however. He would look over at her once and awhile and give her a real smile. A perfect gift. Scully wanted to tell him a truck-load of things, but never could do it. She knew that she was running out of time. She had to say something.

She lay there for a short moment, then got up out of her bed. She was grateful she and Mulder were on a case. If they weren't, she'd have to drive all the way to Arlington to see him. She knocked on his door softly.

"Mulder?" she asked.

"Come on in," he called from inside. She opened the door and peered inside. He was on his bed, under the covers, reading. He looked up at her and took off his glasses. His hazel eyes showed concern as he looked at her.

"You okay?"

She found herself unable to speak.

"Scully?" he asked.

"Mulder....I....I'm so tired. I need rest," she said. He frowned slightly.

"You look like it," he said carefully, then paused. "You want to talk about it?"

"I don't know. I just can't relax. I...I just think that maybe I should just go-" she started. He cut her off.

"If you don't want to talk, why are you here, Scully?"

She couldn't answer that question. He tilted his head to the side, looking at her with worry.

"Come here," he said, lifting the blankets that covered him. She hesitated.

"My bark is worse than my bite, Scully," he said softly. "Come on."

She carefully made her way to his bedside, sitting down on the mattress. Mulder moved over, extending his arms, welcoming her into his embrace. She accepted the invitation, and slid close to him, feeling his arms slide around her. His hand rubbed across her shoulders tenderly, she snuggled into him, resting her head between his neck and shoulder.

"Whenever I felt like the world was crushing down on me when I was growing up, my Mom used to hold me just like this. I would tell her all about what I was feeling, and all my problems went away. I hope I can provide you with the same feeling of security, Scully. You deserve it." He planted a gentle kiss on the top of her head before whispering, "What's wrong?"

"I feel like I'm weak," she said, her voice low. " I feel like I've lost all strength. I can't find my confidence anymore. Not in science, not in medicine, not even in God. My body isn't tired, Mulder. It's my mind. It's my spirit. Why do I feel so lost? Why can't I feel like I used to, that nothing could stop me? I wanted to be undefeatable. But what DID beat me, Mulder? A bee! A bee, Mulder! A goddamn bee and a virus! Not a bullet, not a bomb, not a bad guy! An insect. That was all it took. A millisecond of time to be stung and beaten." She stopped, tears choking her. She tried to fight it down in frustration. Mulder's arms tightened around her body as she started to tremble.

"First of all, Scully, you are NOT weak. You're the strongest person I've ever met. I have never seen a person with more determination. An unfathomable amount of power and confidence that I not only respect every day of my life, I envy it. I think that you just need some piece of mind, Scully. Some comfort, then it'll all go away. And I think that's why you came here. Remember how weak you felt after your abduction? Remember how it passed and only made you tougher? It's all gonna be deja-vu for you. You're gonna be solid as stone again, I know it. You've been through hell, Scully. We both have. And I can't blame you for it, or myself. And you can't do it, either. It's fate. And that bee. I hate the bee as much as you do. I hate every insect I see now. But you couldn't have known. Neither of us could have guessed what would happen the moment that bee stung you. Don't let it rule your life, don't let it get to you. It was unpredictable. If I could have prevented it, I would have. I would have had the bee sting me, AND I'd still take the bullet in the head again, too, if I would have known. But I didn't. And neither did you."

Scully's tremors stopped, as did her tears. She looked up her partner when he was done speaking. He gazed at her.

"Thank you" she said, kissing his cheek. She nuzzled her face into his chest, and her body relaxed in his arms. He looked down and smiled. She had finally found the peace she needed. And he was relieved that it was him she sought comfort from. And he was even more relieved he was able to provide for her needs. She fell asleep. He soon followed.